Is it just me or does it seem to you that mean girls are increasing exponentially? Sure, there have always been mean girls. No doubt, even during the stone age there was one cave girl who was giving another Cro-Magnon chick attitude about her sub standard fur pelt. I mean wearing a brown bear hide in spring – how prehistoric. When I was in school there were a couple of girls that were less than kind. Let me take this opportunity to point out the actions of one Dawn S. who during the high school choir Christmas gift exchange give me a girdle. I can still remember my pain and embarrassment to this day and get this, last year she attempted to friend me on Facebook. Imagine my great delight as I promptly hit “ignore.” But, my experience is mild compared with the tales you hear of the Modern Day Mean Girl.
The M.D.M.G. is not content with random acts of unkindness, for her meanness is a lifestyle. She cultivates it. Meanness is planned out, plotted and executed. Not content with “just” hurting someone’s feelings she’s out for total annihilation. Like a heat seeking missile she’s all about the search and destroy. A high school counselor told me that the bully they worry about at schools today is not the stereotype of the big guy beating up the nerd, but the psychological terror wrought by the mean girls.
Let me tell you as a mother it’s hard to hear about and watch. My daughter is just 10, but I’ve already witnessed what I call “mean girls in training” or M.G.I.T. Little girls who already have gotten punch drunk on the power of pain. To imagine these girls, five years from now, at 15, frightens me. They’ll be like sarin gas infiltrating a high school. What’s happened in the span of one generation for an ever-increasing number of girls to jump on the cruelty bandwagon?
I have my theory and it doesn’t speak well of us, the moms. It would be oh so easy to point the finger at pop culture, but no, we need to look closer to home, like in our own kitchen. I believe the mean girl craze is being fueled by the high stakes game known as competitive parenting. We start out early creating these mean girls. From over the top exclusive birthday parties for the pre-school set to embracing “diva” as a good attitude for a three-year old. Once schools starts it’s all about the who, what, when and where of activities. Select soccer and competition dance team at age five? Who are we kidding? In our quest to give our daughters every opportunity have we misinterpret that to mean everything?
What have we done with the foundation of parenting – the Golden Rule? Teaching our daughters to treat others as they would like to be treated. I’ll tell you what we’ve done with it. We’ve thrown it aside because we’ve decided we’d rather be our daughter’s B.F.F. than her mother. It sure is a lot easier to be her friend. Being a mother sucks. There’s the discipline, the nagging, the whole role model thing and the guilt. That guilt that keeps you awake at night as you go over your day in your head praying that you’re doing the right thing with your kids. That guilt haunts you. Oh yes, being a BFF is so much easier and not to mention fun. Shopping and gossiping over saying no repeatedly throughout the day – winner B.F.F.
As mothers we have become too invested in the outer shell that holds our daughter’s heart and soul. We have taken our strong girls and sacrificed them to the God’s of Popularity. We tweeze, pluck, wax, hair extension, highlight, no carb, detox our beautiful girls until they are a reflection of what society says is beauty, to what looks good on their Facebook page and ours. But we ignore what really matters and we don’t listen to them when they really try to tell us because we’re sooo busy. It’s a busy Olympics out there and the gold goes to the mom with the most pick up and drop offs in one week.
Behold, mothers look at what we have created – Perfect, pretty, popular girls that are a reflection of us. Is it a wonder they’re so mean?
*Thank you for reading Snarky. (Sorry if today’s post was a Debbie Downer, maybe I’m under caffeinated.) If you would like to stay up-dated on new posts you can go to Facebook, type in Snarky in the Suburbs and click on like.