BP, D.C. The Oil Spill and Why The Mess Needs a Mother

I’ve decided our elected officials in D.C. need a mother.  Someone to kick their butts, give them tough love, and tell them that the world does not revolve around them in way only a mother can.  Because right now if I was “Mommy D.C.” almost every single one of our elected officials would be in protracted timeout.  Their latest childish, immature behavior that has me wanting to slap the bunch upside the head is the Thursday B.P. Congressional hearing.  The problem is it wasn’t a hearing.  It was a bunch of kids waiting for their time to show off. It was all “look at me,” “look at me!”  (Please, I was getting flashbacks to my kids going off the high dive at the pool.) The whole thing was less about the oil spill and more about representatives getting their face time with the camera ensuring that the sound bites of them “showing big oil whose boss” would make it back home to their local T.V. stations and go out in e-mails to constituents.  Do any of them do anything where their first thought isn’t how will this help me get re-elected?  I’m pretty sure the lot of them were already mulling over how they could use their clip of them asking the” tough question” to the B.P. Oil loser in a campaign ad.  I will give Joe Barton some crazy credit for at least going off script and shaking it up a little bit.  Let’s be kind and call Joe an independent thinker, at least, on this.   I also doubt the I.Q. levels of our representatives.  Some of them seem brain wave impaired.  I have no doubt that after their verbal spanking of  Mr. BP a posse of them went to the Capitol Grill and were confused that  shrimp from the Gulf Coast was no longer on the  menu.

It was like watching children at a 5 -year-old’s birthday party trying to break open a pinata.  Each representative took their whack at the B.P. pinata and then President Obama got his turn. He broke it open and 20 billion dollars fluttered out.  Wow, 20 billion dollars that’s a lot of money for mere mortals.  Unfortunately, the oil spill catastrophe will suck up that 20 billion faster than a kid guzzling down a Capri Sun after a little league game played in 95 degree weather.

There needs to be less talk, less pinata whacking and more action. Do we need all the posturing?  It’s about as effective as trying to clean up this mess with a Huggies wet wipe. Let’s say a couple of kids set my neighborhood on fire.  Would my husband and I convene all the neighbors to a meeting at our kitchen table and point fingers.  Would we waste time while our neighborhood was burning down to the ground  for all the neighbors to take turns pontificating and asking questions.  Who bought the matches?  Who thought of the idea to light the match?  No. First we would put out the fire then bring on the world of hurt to the little pyromaniacs.  In this media savvy age we live in everyone knows that grilling of BP’s chief executive Tony Hayward was going to be a giant waste of time.  No surprise that he was in a permanent state of vague.  He was coached in “hazy” speak and the next B.P. dude will be no different.

What would a mother do in this situation?  Her first plan of attack would be to address the mess.  Clean up always comes before hearing about what happened or who’s to blame.  If the mother couldn’t clean up the mess on her own she would call in professionals.  Then she would stand over the professionals and diligently watch their work.  Interjecting (and by interjecting I mean giving them holy hell) when she didn’t think they were doing it right or fast enough.  Even replacing the hired professionals if they didn’t quickly prove their worth. She would also confer with other mothers to get their ideas and opinions to make sure the clean up was being done in the best and most expedite way.  The mother wouldn’t rest, until order was restored in her home.  That would be job one.  Job two would be assessing blame and heading out punishment.  This would be down swiftly and fairly.  No mother likes a long drawn out investigation.  We’re like Dragnet – just the facts.  If Tony Hayward pulled his vague routine on a mom it would go one of two ways.  He would get sent to his room until he could come out and tell the truth or he would get smacked with a wooden spoon.  Step three would be making sure everybody involved in creating the mess learned a lesson and safeguards would be in put in place so it wouldn’t happen again.  Behavior would be changed.  That’s the way moms roll.  That’s why Washington needs a mother.

*Thanks for reading my blog.  If you enjoy it please, please share it with your friends.  To stay updated on the latest posts you can go to Facebook, type in Snarky in the Suburbs and click on like.  I’m also on twitter @snarkynsuburbs.  Enjoy your day!

9 thoughts on “BP, D.C. The Oil Spill and Why The Mess Needs a Mother

  1. Angela says:

    I’ve been telling people for years that we need Moms in DC to run the country. In addition to everything you said, we’d get the budget balanced or know the reason why. And congresspeople not actually being there, butts in seats like they get paid to be? Oh, yeah, like that’s happening with a mom in charge!

  2. Bonnie says:

    That meeting of men, reminds me of junior high boys in a boys’ bathroom standing at the urnials and comparing nature’s gifts. “Mine’s bigger, than yours.”

    “Yeah, well can you do this with yours?”

    Etc., etc., etc. (As Anna’s King loved to say.)

    We moms have been faced with everything from crayons shoved into small body orafices to five minute warning that Hubby decided to bring company home for a good home cooked dinner (when you were lucky to find freezer burnt fish sticks in the ice-incrusted freezer, as you were chipping out the last popsicle for the child who had been sent home sick from school with a fever and vomiting.)

    We can handle many crisis and still manage to be loving and kind in the process. Leave it to Moms, we could clean up the mess and dole out the necessary punishment after we have saved the wildlife and the economy in the Gulf region.

    Our payment? How about forty-eight hours of uninterrupted bliss at an all inclusive spa? That’d go a long ways with me.

  3. Scott says:

    Love your blog. Even though I’m a Dad, so much of what you write rings true to me as well.

    As you correctly state, the problem is politicians (of both parties) that are more interested in re-election than doing what’s right for the country.

    I also find it sad that for whatever reason, we’ve been refusing help from other countries from the beginning. As you said, let’s take the best ideas and solutions no matter where they come from.

    Finally, it seems like all our government is good for (other than the photo ops beating up “big oil”) is getting in the way. We seriously stopped barges that were cleaning up oil because we needed to check for life vests and fire extinguishers? Where’s the sense of urgency?

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      So what do you think of this – I was at a party last night and someone mentioned if the oil spill had happened Hampton’s or Martha’s Vineyards’s/Cape Cod adjacent the sense of urgency would have been MUCH more immediate. Thoughts?

  4. Scott says:

    I have two thoughts about that:

    1. It ABSOLUTELY would have made a difference
    2. It’s one of many reasons why I get so pissed at politicians

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