Are You Suffering From Post Valentine’s Day Depression?

Sad, perhaps feeling a little sorril-570xn-707051452-8dmey for yourself, or just mightily ticked off? Don’t worry, I’m here for you during this egregious 24 hours known as the day after Valentine’s Day or what we in the health community call DAVD.

DAVD is not something to take lightly or should it be down played. It’s a serious, although not life threatening condition, where a person (usually a woman, okay always a woman) is battling a riptide of emotions from disappointment to downright horrified amazement that her significant other totally dropped the ball on the most commercialized, show offy, romantic day of the year.

To guide you through your journey of emotions I first need you to unclench your fists and take a couple of deep cleansing breaths that don’t involve any crying jags where you claim your sweetie has the romantic acumen of Homer Simpson.

In an effort to begin healing you must step away from any social media. You’re in a very fragile state and in no way need to see any more pictures of female friends and frenemies sharing their stellar Valentine’s Day experiences or worse (oh so much worse) all the mushy, lovey-dovey prose about how much your sorority sis, cousin or cubicle buddy l-o-v-e their “man.”

Oops, I’m sorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean for that last sentence to make you cry again. It’s all going to be okay. DAVD therapy involves exposing Valentine’s Day for what it really is – an occasion designed to make men look bad.

Oh, you heard me right girlfriend and don’t think I just didn’t see you throw me some side eye. I speak the truth. Allow me to break it down for you.

Valentine’s Day goes way back to the year of 270 and it wasn’t always a man hater. No one can pinpoint that exact date it went off the rails, but I’m going to ballpark it to when woman started receiving flowers at work. The bigger the bouquet the larger the love.

Now, thanks to social media things have escalated into an unprecedented attack on a man’s adoration. If a guy doesn’t deliver an Instagram worthy show of devotion than apparently he’s a dud. This right there is the root of 21st century DAVD depression.

For you to heal you must first forgive your significant other for living an authentic life that doesn’t revolve around “what will my 621 friends on Facebook think” and praise him for being engaged in other less show off romantic pursuits like getting your oil changed for you.

The next step in conquering your DAVD is to think beyond February 14. Ask yourself what does my sweetie do the other 364 days out of the year? If the answer is a lot than please just let his lack of buying power on 2/14 go.

Lastly, I’m going to give you some DAVD coping skills to help you through the next V Day.

1) If you want flowers delivered to your place of employment of Valentine’s Day order them yourself. (So what if you say they’re from your husband. You know he would have gotten you flowers if you texted him like 100 times to do it.)

2) If anyone has the crassness to ask what you got for Valentine’s Day (when in reality you got a McValue meal at the drive thru) respond simply “I got the best human in the world.”

And 3) If you’re feeling left out that you don’t have a braggy social media post to share just quote a love sonnet from Elizabeth or Robert Browning. Bonus, it will make you’ll seem smart and classy.

If none of this works go buy yourself a box of, now discounted, Valentine’s Day chocolate and self-medicate. If you’re still in bad shape I suggest adding in a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies to really help take the edge off. Trust me on this – it works.

Valentine Hangover

Picture 5Are you suffering from V.D.H.? A Valentine’s Disappointment Hangover. Never fear my sweet one – Snarky Radio is here to help with this week’s 60 Second Snarky.

And for those of you not wanting to click on the link here is the text.

 Depressed, feeling unloved, self medicating with chocolate all because your Valentine’s Day kind of, sort of, stunk. Relax, I’m here to make it all better by sharing this latest scientific research – the worse your Valentine’s day the better your marriage. That’s right ladies if your Valentine’s Day consisted of eating your children’s candy and chasing it with a glass of a chardonnay, who am I kidding let’s make that a carton, while your husband looked confused that you were GASP mad at him for forgetting that February 14 is the official day of adoration – than you’ve got yourself a real keeper. 

How can that be you ask? Years of fact-finding field work show that the husband who wouldn’t know a grand romantic gesture if his life depended on it is happy, secure in his love for you and in your love for him plus has bigger things to worry about like the other 364 days of the year. On the other hand, the man who showers his wife with flowers, not purchased at a convenience store, jewels and decorates her pillow with rose petals is kind of shady, like he’s either hiding something and/or feels guilty, really guilty.

So, my sad Valentine, slap a great big smile on that pretty face of yours, wrap yourself up, I’m talking really get cuddly in the blanket of superiority for having a non romantic spouse. Because nothing says I love you like a man who forgets Valentine’s day.

Oh, and that scientific research I was talking about – um, I might have made up that.