Dear Snarky – Revenge of the Spray Tan

Dear Snarky,

I’m writing this letter to you while I’m orange. Yes, orange because I was given a spray tan by a FRIEND who, out of spite, turned me orange. The back-story is I started dating a guy she had broken up with more than six months ago. I even asked her if it was okay with her if I went out with him. She said yes and told me it was no big deal. So, we started dating and this weekend he’s taking me to his cousin’s wedding which is why I got a spray tan from her. I didn’t know she was secretly pissed off at me and her revenge would be giving me a spray tan that would turn me pumpkin f’ing orange!

I’ve taken pictures of my orange spray tan and want to shame her business publicly on social media because people should know she’s crazy but our mutual friends say I should let it go because she’s “suffering from the break up.” Umm, the break up was her doing and it was months ago. Also, all of this is easy for them to say because they’re not ORANGE!

What do you think Snarky?

Signed, Orange and Angry

Dear Orange,

First, I hope you googled how to get rid of a bad spray tan and you no longer resemble Ernie from Sesame Street. As for embarking on a social media shaming campaign I’m conflicted. Does a woman who runs a spray tan business and purposely turns people orange need to be outed? Yes. But, for you to do this means that you’re going to be adding rocket fuel to her crazy and the whole situation is going to get blown up.

Are you ready to be engaging with her on social media and dealing with what I’m sure are going to be threats and accusations of you stealing her boyfriend (never mind that she dumped him)? Also, a woman who would turn somebody orange is going to have zero compunction lying and saying that she didn’t do it and that you photoshopped the pictures because you’re trying to ruin her business after you stole her boyfriend. (Are you sensing a theme here?) 

Because I believe in living a life where you look forward not backwards I would wash off that orange spray tan and let that and your “friend” go down the drain. This means don’t engage. It’s not worth it and it would be a HUGE emotional time suck. Instead live your life without her in it and most definitely find a new place to get a spray tan.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky “Advice With An Attitude” email snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com 😉