Dear Snarky,
My husband and I are retired. We are both in our early 60s. Because we spend a lot of time together due to being retired, we decided last year to take separate vacations.
My husband goes on a fishing trip with some guy friends, and I usually go by myself to a beach town in New England.
I’m the type of person that requires a lot of alone time and going by myself is a chance to recharge and just enjoy my own company. I love it.
The problem is our 27 year old daughter has freaked out about us taking separate vacations. She feels it means our marriage is in trouble or one of us is cheating. My husband and I just laughed and ignored her. My daughter recently got out of a long term relationship with a guy who cheated on her so I just thought she had cheating on the brain.
Fast forward to last Sunday when my husband and I were visiting her and she insisted we go to church with her. For the record my husband and I don’t go to church.
So, we went and lo and behold the entire sermon was about how if you do things without your spouse you’re letting Satan enter your marriage. THEN after the church service the minister approached us and told us that he was here to provide counseling to save our marriage.
Both my husband and I said a very polite No thank you and left. Now our daughter is furious with us for turning down the counseling and said we embarrassed her. She also said that she can no longer see us unless we get help for our marriage because it’s too painful for her.
How do you think we should handle this moving forward? I love my daughter but I don’t really respond well to ultimatums.
Signed, Not giving up my separate vacation
Dear Separate Vacations,
Your daughter needs to stay out of your marriage. That’s private business between you and your husband. The fact that she thought she could not only get in the middle of your business, but arrange a surprise counseling session and then do what amounts to throwing a temper tantrum with ultimatums is ridiculous.
Add in that all this drama is because you and your husband aren’t joined at the hip 24/7 shouts crazy.
I honestly think your daughter is projecting her relationship issues on you and your husband. So, I suggest asking her if she’s okay. I think she’s going through some trauma and is having problems dealing with her breakup. This would lead me to tread with kindness and see if you can find out what is really behind her behavior towards you and your husband.
That said, I would still make it clear that you’re not changing your vacation plans and that your marriage is just fine, thank you AND none of her business.
Good luck!
🍂🍁🍂🍁
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