I love to talk. Basically, it’s my one true gift. This is why when I had to decide what to do with my life in regard to college majors there weren’t exactly a bevy of options to choose from. You can’t exactly major in talking but, yay me, you can major in journalism.
Journalism was a perfect fit because not only did it lean into my talking aptitude it also was a socially acceptable way for me to use my curiosity for the greater good. Being nosey was no longer seen as a negative.
Now, you would think based on all of the above I would love talking about myself. The answer to that is complicated. I realize I do massively overshare tidbits of my life in this blog. But the one thing that freaks me out is when I’m asked to be a guest speaker at any event where the topic is me.
Sure, I’ve got stories aplenty, but I prefer chatting about things like friendships or tales of a holiday cookie exchange gone rogue. You know something where I’m telling a story but I’m more of the narrator who from time to time throws in a personal aside.
Recently I was asked to speak at an event and the organizers wanted me to talk about my life. I attempted to suggest some other topics and failed. It’s not that I don’t like my life, it’s just that I’m an incredibly boring person. The last exciting thing I did was splurge on a name brand laundry detergent.
It was a major life moment for me. I stood in the detergent aisle of Target and gave myself a pep talk that I was worthy of an expensive detergent. A detergent with “deep clean OXI technology” so intense I would “achieve a piece of mind, one laundry load at a time.”
When I put that 100-ounce bottle of detergent in my cart it changed me. I walked through Target with the regal grace of a queen. I felt extra special because I was now embracing the “power of OXI.”
Let’s get real when that’s the opening story about your life I’m fairly certain that you’re going to rapidly lose your audience’s attention – for good.
And if that tale doesn’t do it then the next breaking news about my existence would. Just last night I discovered, thanks to Martha Stewart on Instagram, that I’ve been dusting wrong my entire life. Apparently, my application technique in regard to wood polish has been an abject failure against fine particulate eradication.
This riveting and possible life altering discovery plunged me down a memory filled rabbit hole about my grandma Stella who got me addicted to Johnson Paste Wax when I was just ten years old. Summer afternoons spent massaging wax in a counterclockwise rotation into her Queen Ann dining room table and mahogany china cabinet created some very fond memories.
Now, most assuredly I have more going on in my life than laundry and dusting but hey, laundry and dusting are a part of it because as my grandmother used to say, “to live is to clean” and sadly, she wasn’t wrong about that.
Hmm, what to do, what to do? I have to think of something to talk about in my life that won’t put people to sleep. Well, I’ve got nothing. I guess I’m going to try to make shopping for laundry detergent sound thrilling. Wish me luck. Too bad the “power of OXI” doesn’t work for hyping up your life story.
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It’s not my life story but it’s based on my life. I’m talking about my latest book “Killer Dance Mom.” 😍 📚🤣 It’s a wild ride through a dance competition where a judge has been murdered and one incredibly nosey mom makes it her goal to find out who did it. 🩷 Click this Amazon link to take a lookie-loo. www.amazon.com/dp/B0C4FZTK5
Snarky in the Suburbs 