It had to eventually happen. My dog and my husband have joined forces to drive me crazy. I don’t know why I’m the least bit surprised by this because my family has a rich tradition of combining their annoying traits in a concerted effort to make me go bonkers.
My sweet beagle though was the last holdout. He’s always been my number one fan and yet recently he started “twinning” with my husband. As in copying his, I guess, you would call it behavior.
I could be wrong with the behavior label. Because is snoring a behavior? At this point my sleep deprived brain is so addled I don’t even care what it’s called. I just want it to stop. Because for a week my beagle and my husband have been snoring in tandem
Ugh, it’s a concert nobody wants to be invited to at three o’clock in the morning. And somehow it’s like they’ve practiced and have their solo parts worked out because there are intervals where they don’t snore at the same time.
It’s as if they want to share the stage but each of them needs their own space to show off their, umm, vocals. Once my husband finishes his solo then the beagle gently comes in and builds to his crescendo. (Quick note: Snoring is a beagle trademark and doesn’t denote any health issues.)
When it first started happening, I thought it was kind of cute. Now, not so much. It also made me understand couples who have separate bedrooms. It used to make me sad when I heard about a couple having separate sleeping arrangements. I would immediately think, uh-oh – marriage in trouble.
Not anymore. This past week has changed that to – uh oh – aggressive snorer or snorers in the house.
My husband doesn’t even snore that much. I would say he has snoring episodes. Unfortunately (for me) his episodes of snoring and our beagle’s have decided to merge into a two-person (well, human and canine) show.
When I told my husband about the impromptu early a.m. concerts he’s been putting on with our dog he didn’t believe me. I can’t say that I blame him because it does sound farfetched. Fortunately, I had evidence in the form of a recording I made on my phone.
Unfortunately, my husband was unfazed. He actually had the nerve to tell me that our dog was “snoring way more” than he was. His exact quote was, “You can barely hear me.”
I was quick to correct him by telling him that both he and the dog could go on the carnival circuit with their act.
This comment insulted him. My husband didn’t appreciate that I thought that he (and his beagle) were “carnival circuit” material. He was envisioning something along the lines of a Jimmy Fallon appearance.
I had no comeback for that except to ask if he had any genius ideas about what we could do about the snoring symphony. His response was to ban the dog from our bedroom.
This was met with an eye roll because I will admit, with some embarrassment, that our pets are living large and in charge in our home. If we banned the beagle from our bedroom he would literally howl. A howling so robust that it would make his snoring sound like a lullaby.
I felt like my only option at this point was to embrace my tried-and-true problem-solving strategy – ignore the issue and hope it goes away.
To date the synchronized snoring duo are still performing nightly. On a positive note, the “show” is so bad the cat has chosen to no longer sleep with us. This means more room in our bed and yet I don’t really feel like I’m winning.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 