Dear Snarky,
I’m worried about my best friend’s recent engagement. I have known the guy my friend is now engaged to since college. I always got the vibe he liked me but I never pursued it because I didn’t see him as boyfriend material.
The fiancé lives about 600 miles away so my friend has had a long-distance relationship with him for three years. Now that the engagement has been announced the fiancé has been coming to my hometown for parties etc and I’ve been around him for the first time in a couple of years.
In what I can only describe as a very awkward situation this vibe I had in college now seems much, much, stronger. I’m a very intuitive person and I’m getting all the feels that my best friend’s fiancé has a thing for me.
It’s not that he’s done anything like make a pass at me but when we’re in a room together he sends me looks and seems to always want to be around me.
I don’t know if I should tell my best friend straight out or just warn her that I think her new fiancé might not be the man she thinks he is. I feel like if I didn’t say anything I would be a bad friend and I’d rather say something now then wait until the wedding gets closer.
Signed, Worried for My Bestie
Dear Bestie,
Hmm, worried for your best friend – maybe not. My intuitive feelings are telling me you might be jealous of your best friend.
She’s just gotten engaged to a man you thought back in the day liked you. (#NotBoyfriendMaterial) She’s getting a lot of attention. Her future seems exciting with all the wedding planning and on and on.
You need to do an honest and what could be a painful inventory of your feelings in regard to your friend getting engaged. It’s okay to be jealous. Jealousy is a fundamental emotion.
What is not okay is to let this jealousy turn you into something I’m hoping you’re not and that is a bad person who will let her jealousy burn down her friend’s happiness.
You admit that the fiancé hasn’t made a pass at you or even hinted verbally or through any physical actions that he’s attracted to you. All you’re going off on is “vibes” and your “intuition.”
Have you ever thought that the reason he’s being nice to you is that you’re his fiancée’s best friend? And as for wanting to be around you, maybe you’re one of the only people he knows at these parties that are based in your hometown, not his.
This is my way of saying you have absolutely no reason to share your “vibes” and “feels” with your best friend. This is because there is no actual evidence through words or deeds that her fiancé has a “thing for you” besides you thinking, perhaps wishfully, that he does.
If you’re a decent human being you’ll keep your “intuitive” thoughts to yourself and share in your best friends’ happiness. If you can’t do this then you never really were much of a friend.
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Snarky in the Suburbs 