Dear Snarky – Dance Team Deception – Snarky in the Suburbs

Dear Snarky,

I’m writing this while shaking my head in disbelief. My sister is trying to scam a college dance team. Her child (my niece) is trying out via video (thanks COVID) for a college dance team. While my niece is an excellent dancer she is not a great gymnast and can’t do anything beyond a cartwheel. So, my crazy sister is having her other daughter who is a very accomplished gymnast do all the parts of the tryouts that require an aerial and round off back handspring.

Both girls look a lot alike and with all the make-up and false eyelashes these girls have to wear for tryouts it would be difficult to tell the girls apart. I asked my sister what happens if her daughter makes the team and then when it comes time to practice in person her kid can’t do the gymnast parts?

Her answer was that her daughter is going to tell the coach she had an injury over the summer and she’s “not cleared for the gymnastic stunts – yet.”

OMG! How can I shut this down before both my sister and my nieces find themselves in a very messed up situation?

Signed Frantic Sister

Dear Frantic,

Okay, can all of this pandemic fueled video subterfuge just stop? I’ve had the virtual sorority recruitment sister switch. The college brother taking his high school brother’s finals and now this. That said, and thank you for allowing me to get that off my chest, the way I see it there’s not much you can do in regard to your sister. She sounds bound and determined to try to pull this off.

My recommendation is to bypass her and her crazed dance mom delusions and talk to your nieces. Be brutally honest and tell them that even if they pull this off and the sister trying out gets on the college dance team someone will eventually discover the truth and when that happens it will be all kinds of awful.

I would go into detail about how awful it could be from the sister getting kicked off the dance team in disgrace and all the gossip that will follow to maybe even getting bounced from college for lying. Because I’m sure somewhere in the tryout paperwork they have to sign a form that says what they are turning is a truthful representation of their talent.

College dance team coaches are not idiots. They will figure this out and the whole “not cleared for gymnastic stunts” will require at the very least a verifiable doctor’s note. Also, point out that not only will the sister who is trying out suffer but the niece who pretended to be her sister for those gymnastic tricks will also be outed and it will not be a good look at all. Ask both of them if for the rest of their lives they really want to live on the internet as “cheating sisters on college dance tryouts.”

Hopefully that will scare them into re-thinking this hugely dishonest and preposterous scheme. Also, just as a quick sidebar – why didn’t the sister trying out ever seek some private gymnastic instruction to learn these tricks? That sounds a whole lot easier than trying to pull off this long con.

If you need Advice with an Attitude email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com 😉

5Comments

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1

Private gymnastics lessons wouldn’t have helped on March 29, 2021 at 3:37 pm

I completely agree that this scenario requires all kinds of whack-a-doodles to pull off. Auntie’s best hope for talking sense into somebody probably is with the actual gymnastically inclined sister. That sister might recognize how much she stands to lose by going along with the scheme – a college scholarship of her own, for example. There is almost no way imaginable that she could later claim she was personally unaware of the duplicity. It’s the word “almost” that bothers me, though. Given what can be done with deep fake videos these days, she has about a 5% chance of making plausible deniability sound legit.
- 2
  
  snarkyinthesuburbs on March 29, 2021 at 4:53 pm
  
  That is great advice!
3

Amy Ambrozich on March 29, 2021 at 6:12 pm

As a parent of 3, and a parenting and stepfamily coach, a few things are coming to mind.

First of all, it is concerning that your sister is comfortable with this breach of ethics. What is she teaching her daughters? When adults make these kinds of choices, it models to their children that you can lie or “work the system” to get what you want.

Then there is the cost to both girls. When (not if) this deception is discovered it won’t end well for either girl. They are both young and have a reputation to build for their future careers and everything ends up on social media! This deception could cost them future jobs.

Lastly, why is Mom so determined to get her daughter a position on a dance team she in unqualified for? What about other girls who are qualified for it but lose that spot to your niece? This feels like the VarsityBlues scandal of last year… Parents faking qualifications to get their kids things they didn’t earn.

I understand parents want the best for their kids, but at what cost? Hopefully you can slow you sister down enough to help her see the bigger picture for the sake of her girls.
4

Melissa B. on March 29, 2021 at 10:18 pm

I’m with Snarky why didn’t the young woman trying out at the college dance team level get some gymnastic training if this is so important to her? Or why doesn’t she just try out for a team that doesn’t require gymnastic skills? This whole thing is a recipe for disaster.
5

Jill Fitzpatrick on March 30, 2021 at 8:38 am

Geez, what is wrong with people! Sounds like Mom may be living vicariously through dancer daughter, which rarely works out well for the child. Mom seems like a lost cause, but this scheme only works if the gymnast sister agrees to participate. I think aunt should appeal to her–remind her that when this scheme is uncovered, and it almost certainly will be, it will affect *her* ability to apply to colleges/compete in college gymnastics, etc. Show her news reports of the fallout from the Lori Loughlin case.