Amidst all the pandemic drama it’s heartwarming to know that some January traditions haven’t changed. Indeed having a few things, you can count can be most reassuring.
This is why when I started receiving emails, texts and social media attention about how I could “drop 35 pounds in 21 days” instead of feeling depressed I was overjoyed. Yes, no matter what catastrophe is happening in the world I can always depend on the weight loss industry to remember me.
I was flattered that so much effort was devoted to figuring out what haunted me during these frightening and unprecedented times and apparently it’s back fat.
Yes, forget about COVID because according to the electronic onslaught I’ve been experiencing my one real concern is that I have back jowls and back bat wings. For novices into the world of excessive flab in your scapula and latissimus dorsi regions let me give you a brief primer.
Basically, if you’re a woman and the under band of your bra has company in the form of some extra pudge then you could be suffering from the dreaded back jowls. If this pudge also shakes just a little then you might also be sporting some bat wings.
I was more than a little surprised that back fat was being given such a premier position in all of the weight loss messaging. What happened to the tried-and-true belly bulge guilt trip? Is it really even a new year without seeing photos of six pack abs that “could be mine in just 30 days”?
I’ve also started wondering how so many people and companies know that I’m fat. I could choose to be offended by this but instead I’m curious. Am I being stalked? Are people following me around at Target and jotting down that I’m thigh gap challenged? Is it the “family size” bag of M&M’s in my cart that’s putting me on some kind of chubby list?
And about that back fat – who’s seen me without a jacket on in the last four months to even know if I have excessive scapula area bulk?
What really baffles me is when “friends” on social media see fit to include me in their weight loss shout outs. It’s not like I’m posting unflattering pictures of myself on Facebook that could be deciphered as a cry for help.
Seriously, what goes through someone’s thought process when they decide it’s okay to reach out to a “friend” on social media and tell them how they could “lose weight and gain energy with a “cleaner eating program.”
Do they even consider that they could be hurting a person’s feelings? Or that my energy is just fine thank you?
Worse, and yes there’s a worse, is when not only do they think your BMI is not doing you any favors but they also want you to sign up for their multi-level marketing selling “opportunity.”
By all means insult me and then try to guilt me into selling “nutritional” supplements that will “change my life.” And I’m guessing that by “change my life” they mean get me involved in a pyramid scheme. (Umm, yeah hard pass.)
I even asked a former neighbor who I haven’t seen in 12 years why she thought I would be a candidate for not only her weight loss plan but also multi-level marketing. I point blank inquired if she thought I was fat.
Her reply was polite saying that she was talking less about weight loss and more about a healthy lifestyle. This led me to follow up with why she assumed my lifestyle wasn’t healthy since it’s been more than a decade since we’ve laid eyes on one another?
Well long story short she’s now unfriended me. No worries. I’m going to count that as I’ve already unloaded some pounds in the form of unwanted social media baggage. Which in my opinion is much better than losing back fat.
Snarky in the Suburbs 