Teacher appreciation day is coming up soon and all I have to say is to anyone that has ever stepped foot in a classroom thank you for your service to our country. I can’t imagine a harder job because besides the usual daily, daunting, challenges I think it would be almost impossible to ever turn off your teacher brain. I expect it must be like a dermatologist at a Waterpark trying to not tell three out of five people in line for the “Roarin Rapids” slide that they might want to get that mole on their back biopsied.
Everywhere they go teachers must always be thinking of how things could be improved with just a little bit of their educator input. For example, last month when I was at the Kansas caucus at my local high school it was a crowd control nightmare. All I wanted to do was shout if any teachers were in the building because they could have gotten that situation under control in about ten seconds flat. I’m sure all it would have taken was four seasoned teachers to flank each side of the auditorium and with authoritative voices herd people to their proper seats, shush the crowd into a respectable silence and run a very efficient raise your hand to vote caucus. We would have been out of there in less than fifteen minutes and exited the building in a calm and courteous manner according to our row assignments.
In fact, I think each presidential candidate needs a “Teacher in Chief” on their campaign staff to monitor behavior, oversee homework assignments, guide personal expectations and grade the candidates overall demeanor. The teacher could even hand out a weekly progress report to help each contender strive for his or her personal best. Think about how much this would greatly assist everyone running for President to raise their standards and in turn help the election focus more on the issues.
Going in alphabetical order, because it’s education we’re talking about, I’ll begin with the democrats. Let’s face it Hillary Clinton was probably the teacher’s pet. She’s every Type A student that drove us crazy in high school. But, a good teacher in chief would assist Hillary with learning to become more proficient in her computation skills including data management, email servers and using the save and delete commands more judiciously. Hillary would also be encouraged to let other people finish their sentences and to make some new friends.
I can see Bernie Sanders progress report stating that he needs to work on his inside voice including not shouting and modulating his vocal tone while talking with others. In terms of homework Bernie needs to spend more time in the library doing in-depth research so he can provide hard evidence with a bibliography and footnotes on how he’s going to fund all the “projects” he’s promising.
Two out of three republican candidates probably would be headed towards a “time out” corner. Ted Cruz’s teacher in chief would work with him to resist engaging in verbal skirmishes and focus on his own goals while working cooperatively in a group setting. He also needs to be diligent about doing his homework that’s concentrated on improving fact retention.
John Kasich while not getting engaging in any kind of playground throw down would still need to heed the wisdom of his teacher in chief who most likely would suggest that he broaden his reading list to include more than the “I think I can, I think I can” wisdom of The Little Engine that Could and that he needs to not be afraid to engage with the other boys at “recess.”
Donald Trump’s teacher in chief would mandate that he partake in some sort of remedial social interaction curriculum that focuses on bullying and learning to play well with others. He would also have in-depth homework to help him with his memory and staying on task. An emphasis would be placed on learning his colors because orange is not a skin tone.
If learning never ends then it’s got to be a great idea to attach a teacher to each candidate. Even better if their progress reports are made public. How great would it be to see that Donald Trump, did indeed, pass his bully test or that Bernie had been in the library? That’s democracy and education in action.
And bonus, if the candidates are kept busy doing homework and working on being the best they can be it’s less time we have to be bombarded by them and maybe, just maybe, this presidential election might take a turn for the better.
Snarky in the Suburbs 