A Different Kind of Romance

Screen Shot 2015-02-12 at 10.40.37 AMPracticality is the death of romance.

I have always joked that my husband is the most unromantic bipedal mammal currently roaming the planet. Seriously, he gave me dish towels for a Valentine’s Day present. Did I mention that this was when we were d-a-t-i-n-g? Way to really bring it in the courtship department. In his defense the dish towels did have little hearts on them and I do enjoy a clean kitchen. But now thinking back over all the years we’ve been together I’m going to admit that, perhaps, I’ve been the slayer of all romantic flourishes. The one who takes Cupid’s little arrow and snaps it in two.

I can’t be the only woman who has gotten upset when her spouse drops a chunk of cash on flowers for Valentine’s Day. I remember back when we had our first baby and my husband bought a $50 bouquet and all I could think about was the Huggies diapers we could have purchased with that money. Slowly, over the years, I fear I’ve molded (some might say scared) him into being a less than ardent purveyor of all things smoochie sweet.

It might have started back in the late 90’s when I declared Valentine’s Day an overpriced, overrated occasion and suggested we play it smart and celebrate it a week later on February 21. I called it “Valentine’s Day observed.” Talk about a cost savings. You’ve got your cards and candy at 50 percent off or more and flowers are back to their pre-February 14 prices.

In fact, a life long dream of mine has been to celebrate Christmas on New Year’s Eve. Sure, you go ahead and do the religious stuff on 12/25, but save the gifts for a week later.

Can you imagine the savings from shopping at all the after Christmas sales? I’m getting excited just thinking about it. Too bad, my family won’t support me in making this a reality. Every time I bring it up all I get is the, “But it wouldn’t seem like Christmas” whine. Maybe not, but imagine how great New Year’s Eve would be.

Besides my frugal nature functioning as a love connection wet blanket, my theory that the more romantic the man the less I would trust him has also probably served as a lovey dovey killjoy.

Work with me on this ladies. Let’s be honest and think of all the men we know who are/were kings of the grand romantic gesture. These are the guys who concoct costly, show stopping shows of affection for their significant others usually in front of an audience. Now, let’s analyze their behavior using my “go to” for most things in life – the Rotary Four-Way Test.

Is it true? Yes and no. I’ll be kind and say I’m sure the guy making what amounts to a scene to prove his undying love is possibly smitten with his lady-love. Yet, the fact that by causing a scene he is focusing all the attention on himself makes me leery of his real motives.

Is it fair to all concerned? No. Because in a lot cases the huge show of devotion is more about the guy and his “look at me” disorder than the girl he professes to love.

Will it build goodwill and friendship? No, most especially if you debut your love spectacle in an office environment thus creating an undercurrent of seething jealousy among the females and undying disgust from all the guys in the office for making them look bad.

Will it be beneficial to all concerned? No. (See all of the above.)

I think I’ve now more than proved that Mr. Romance might be all show and even worse it’s always all about him. Or much, much, worse he’s using his larger than life show of affection to distract from the real defects in the relationship. That’s why for me relationship math goes something like this: Three dozen roses = Your special someone is hiding something. Think what you will about this equation, but I, at least, know it’s easier to understand than Common Core.

The problem is real day in and day out romance is not very, well, romantic, but it does make you feel loved. What wife hasn’t felt a surge of passion when her husband unloads the dishwasher and sweeps the kitchen floor? I’m I the only one swooning right now? Or gets the tires rotated on your car AND takes the kids with him so you can be blissfully alone.

So maybe practicality doesn’t kill romance. Maybe romance changes and while flowers are nice having your sweetheart drive the Saturday morning 7 a.m. soccer carpool is even better.

*Attcover_1.3-2ention Snarky Friends, I have a brand new book out. It’s the second in the Snarky in the Suburbs series – Snarky in the Suburbs Trouble In Texas. You can buy it for your Kindle or in paperback on Amazon.  It’s also available for the Nook or you can get it for your Kobo reader. Click on a link and give it a test read.  I hope you like it! 🙂


8 thoughts on “A Different Kind of Romance

  1. Jessie Reyna says:

    My boyfriend still hasn’t figured it out haha. I’ve never really thought much about Valentine’s Day, but he still plans extravagant gifts me and I’m sitting there empty handed because it creeped up on me.

  2. Aimee S says:

    You’ve hit the nail on the head! I’ve had to reign on moments of fury when my husband has (thoughtfully) bought me flowers-poor guy. thinking he did a good thing , when all I’m thinking about is the $$ now gone from our joint checking account, lol. And yes, a moment alone is somehow FAR more appreciated than a “show-off” moment…KUDOS to celebrating V-day late- we literally just got home from our early celebration, due to work schedules. I LOVE ypur idea of “Christmas on New Year’s Eve”-alas, my family wouldn’t go for that either…

  3. Aimee S says:

    So I’ve realized my spelling was atrocious in my last comment, sorry, the whiskey (from our afore-mentioned early celebration) has overtaken my usually spot-on punctuation, lol. One more thought on this-you are correct in your observation of the show-off male. Very few men go to So much effort (these days) unless they are hiding something-I love your math on this!!

  4. Donna says:

    I love that the hubs is just as thrifty as I am. He buys my flowers at Wal-Mart before he comes home from work.

    Our church has a sweethearts dinner for V-Day every year for adults. We are a small church so we know everyone and there is rarely more than 30 people. After a dinner (usually prime rib) we play games. There is nothing like being the only newlywed couple (4 months wed) and playing the newlywed game with couples who had been married 15+ years. We wrote our own answers on construction paper using a crayon. I still can’t figure out how we started round 2 dead last and won the game. It had to have been the 50 point bonus question. How about the husband trying to unwrap and feed his wife 6 hershey kisses? No big deal you say? It’s a little more difficult when the husband is wearing oversized work gloves. Or how about the wife shaving a balloon with a brand new razor, without popping it, while the husband is holding the balloon between his teeth. That’s what I call a wonderful Valentine’s Day. You’re with people you care about. No fighting crowds at restaurants and lots of laughter. This removes all the fake show off moments we all hate.

  5. Kathy says:

    Your observations are so true – especially the ones about common core math and that true love is when your husband empties the dishwasher. My hubby stopped sending flowers years ago when I told him the best gift he could give me is to join me in maintaining the house. He has been pretty good about the latter ever since:)

  6. Tricia says:

    I think I can top your dish towels — my husband surprised me one Valentine’s Day by taking my car while I was at work and getting the cracked windshield replaced. He returned my car to my parking space and left a box of candy on the driver’s seat. I was thrilled, because it was truly a labor of love!

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