9 Ways to Wreck Your Kids Halloween

Picture 51) Bring raw Kale Roll Ups that you describe as “scary good” to the 2nd grade Halloween party.

2) Cry at party because the kids make fun of your Kale Roll Ups calling them Zombie vomit.

3) The family dog has a better costume than your kids AND gets full size Hershey bars.

4) Be the house that hands out pencils with a skull and crossbones note that says “Candy Kills.”

5) Volunteer to chaperone your daughter’s high school Halloween party so you can wear your favorite  MILF costume.

6) Limit your child’s costume choices to characters from the bible.

7) Cry when your child dressed as Noah (minus the ark) gets repeatedly asked by every neighbor if he’s trick-or-treating as Osama Bin Laden.

8) Have a huge yard inflatable of the devil with a banner sign that reads “At Church Praying for Your Souls.”

9) Go as VMA Miley Cryus to your son’s Cub Scout “Mummy & Me” dance. Make your son go as the bear.

10 thoughts on “9 Ways to Wreck Your Kids Halloween

  1. Jill Brandt Fitzpatrick says:

    #9 reminds me of Arrested Development’s MotherBoy competitions.
    Did you see the news report about the woman in N. Dakota who is planning to give letters to the parents of overweight kids telling them their kids shouldn’t have candy and sweets and they should “step up” as parents? Giving the letters *to* the kids to give to the parents, instead of giving them candy, but only the overweight ones, the thin ones she’ll give candy. I couldn’t help but think you’d have a field day with a letter like that…

  2. Veronica Krutty says:

    Still laughing at the Osama Bin Laden one. I had to think about it for a second and then went, oh yeah Noah and Osama Bin Laden could look alike. You’ve got the long beards and that robe thing going on.

  3. Kristen Smith says:

    Just printed this and anonymously posted in the office back by the photocopier. And the self-righteous cretin who thinks she’s single-handedly saving kids by completely undermining their self esteem: May she be severely t-p’d tonight, and then rained on. After her pumpkins are smashed and everybody dumps their pumpkin guts are strewn across her yard. BWUHAHAHAHAH!!!

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