1) Bring raw Kale Roll Ups that you describe as “scary good” to the 2nd grade Halloween party.
2) Cry at party because the kids make fun of your Kale Roll Ups calling them Zombie vomit.
3) The family dog has a better costume than your kids AND gets full size Hershey bars.
4) Be the house that hands out pencils with a skull and crossbones note that says “Candy Kills.”
5) Volunteer to chaperone your daughter’s high school Halloween party so you can wear your favorite MILF costume.
6) Limit your child’s costume choices to characters from the bible.
7) Cry when your child dressed as Noah (minus the ark) gets repeatedly asked by every neighbor if he’s trick-or-treating as Osama Bin Laden.
8) Have a huge yard inflatable of the devil with a banner sign that reads “At Church Praying for Your Souls.”
9) Go as VMA Miley Cryus to your son’s Cub Scout “Mummy & Me” dance. Make your son go as the bear.
Snarky in the Suburbs 