Dear Snarky,
Our neighborhood has turned into a battle over dog poop. It’s gotten so bad I’m afraid to walk my dog. Everyone one is accusing everyone else of not picking up their dog’s poop. My next door neighbor’s dog poops in his own yard. Not a problem EXCEPT my neighbor thinks it’s my dog’s poop. Is he blind? Does he not see HIS dog pooping in HIS yard a couple of times a day? He’s even put up a sign. Do you have any suggestion on how to stop the Poop Wars?
Signed, Dog Tired
Dear Dog Tired,
I too am a veteran of the Poop Wars. Consider me a four star General. First, let me point out that everyone needs to be diligent in picking up after their defecating dog. That’s a given. You also need to indicate how much you value poop picking up by wearing or carrying some sort of poop device. If you’re walking your dog and no one can see any visible sign of poop picking up you’ll be labeled a non picker upper and unfairly targeted. That’s why I always carry a very visible poop fanny pack with multiple bags hanging off. It says, “Don’t mess with me, I’ve got this poop thing down.”
Now, in terms of how to deal with your cranky neighbor who thinks his dog is a poop free carbon life form I have an idea that maybe to out there for any of you with delicate sensibilities. Although, I’ve done this twice with stellar results. May I suggest the Poop Cookie. What these really are – chocolate sugar cookies shaped to look like poop. When my way down the street neighbor continually, falsely accused me of not picking up my dog’s poop I reached into my fanny pack and started eating a poop cookie and of course because I’m a gracious individual offered him one and then started singing the organic praises of a diet rich in dog poop. He ran away scared and is now convinced I’m insane and quite possibility dangerous which means he avoids me and my dogs at all cost. Now I walk my dogs with a bounce in my step and no longer worry about being unjustly scolded. I know they say fences make the best neighbors but sometimes crazy is even better.
2 1/2 sticks of butter (soften to room temperature)
1 3/4 cups of powered sugar
1 large egg
2 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
1/2 cup of cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
Cream the butter and powered sugar in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Mix in the egg and beat for about a minute. Add the flour, cocoa, and salt. Divide the dough into 3 parts. Flatten each into a disk and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate until firm.
Roll out into desired shapes, place onto a greased cookie sheet and bake in a 325 degree oven for 8 to 12 minutes or until the cookies begin to brown around the edges and are slightly firm to the touch.
Snarky in the Suburbs 