Dear Snarky For Friday, April 12, 2013


Dear Snarky,

For Christmas my children ages 2 and 3 got some backyard plastic play structures. One is a yellow cottage, the other is a one of those fort things with a slide and they each got their own sand box. Now, that it has warmed up a bit my kids have been playing outside a lot. Here’s my problem – my neighbor has complained THREE times that my backyard looks like a daycare and my kids are too loud! We live in the suburbs not a retirement village. She’s driving me crazy and now I’m self conscious when I’m outside with my kids that she’s watching us.

Signed Scared to Go In My Backyard

Dear Scared,

First, relax you have done nothing wrong. If you’re a mother with toddlers then it’s a sure bet that your house and yard have become a plastic jungle. It’s almost as if the plastic toys are getting it on overnight and breeding. Don’t think about that visual for too long, trust me, it will give you nightmares. 

After doing some research on where you live and I have discovered that your area is still zoned for farming. So here’s what I suggest – tell your grouchy neighbor that you have taken her complaining very seriously and in an attempt to be the best neighbor e-v-e-r you are going to get rid of the toys and replace them with a darling chicken coop. That’s right girlfriend convince her that you’re going to start raising chickens. Sure, they’ll be a rooster involved and wow, you hope the cock-a-doodle-do of it all doesn’t get too tiresome for your neighbor and the smell might be a little bit of an issue, but at least she won’t have to hear your kids playing or put up with a Little Tikes playhouse and golly you can’t wait to share those fresh chicken eggs. If she hasn’t fainted from hearing this then I would casually throw into the conversation that you’re also looking at getting a couple of goats – just for fun. This, I’m pretty sure will have your neighbor readjusting her attitude about your backyard.

****** For all things wonderfully Snarky go to where you can find the new Spring/Summer  Snarky line of clothing and accessories. Plus, there’s my book – Snarky in the Suburbs Back to School.  Here’s a little ditty about it:

The Spring Creek Elementary School PTA board (a coven of Mean Moms dressed in Uggs, yoga pants, and dermal filler) is up to no good.  Wynn Butler (middle-aged, uncool, and not bringing sexy back) is determined to find out what’s going on. With help from her two kids, a Roomba vacuum turned mobile surveillance drone, and a few good friends, Wynn launches a covert investigation that leads to the “mother of all revenge capers” at the school’s annual Fall Festival.

 If you’ve ever fantasized about smoke bombing the idiot parent who has yet to master the fine art of the school drop-off lane, or standing up and shouting, “Liar, liar, Botox on fire” during a PTA meeting, then this delicious tale of payback is for you.

To stay up-to-date on new posts and take part in my not so deep thoughts click on this Facebook link – (That’s the abbreviated link to my FB page) or I twitter @snarkynsuburbs.