Here it comes – my annual “I hate summer” whine-a-thon. I know a lot of people (primarily my family) are so over hearing me complain and to that I say where is your compassion? I’m a winter girl stuck in summer. Not only am I miserable but I’m exceedingly unpopular.
This is because summer is put on pedestal. The season is laden with propaganda. We’ve been sold a pack of lies that summer is the best season, the best time of your life, and where the best memories are made.
In fact, to have a “bad” summer classifies you as a loser. No one is allowed to have a bad summer. Case in point is the first day of school where the teacher begins the class by asking all the students about their summer.
If you dared to tell the truth that your dad was a Yankee and resisted turning on the air conditioner in Texas until July fourth because that’s “what you do in Boston.” Then when you complained that you were being boiled alive he would shout, “Think of the pioneers. They survived in long dresses and petticoats.”
This meant that you were hot all the time and even going to the pool wasn’t any relief because the water temperature was up to 85 plus degrees, and it felt like swimming in a bathtub that was a mixture of warm spit and Cream of Wheat.
Tragically your only relief from the heat was opening the door to the kitchen freezer and standing in front of it while eating an eight pack of popsicles.
I can guarantee you no one wants to hear this take on summer. To share this tale of woe is almost blasphemy. You’ve violated the first rule of summer and it’s that no one talks about ever having a bad summer.
Summer is always fun, epic, awesome. When in reality summer is hot, humid and sticky and has UV indexes transported straight from Hell.
What I’m doing right now, talking about my profound dislike of summer, could be considered an act of stupidity because the summer lovers are going to come for and it’s going to be brutal.
But I feel I must speak out, give a voice, to all the summer haters who for their entire lives have had to pretend that they adore summer.
Sometimes I discover fellow summer haters and it’s glorious when you find out you’re not alone. Recently, I was checking out at the grocery store and the woman scanning my items asked the usual question, “How’s your summer going?”
I decided to be honest and replied, “I hate summer. I hate being hot. So, quite frankly I’m enduring it.”
I was prepared for the woman to clock me as crazy and get me checked out as soon as possible. But a miracle occurred. She looked at me and said, “I hate it too. Do you know how rare it is to find someone who admits to hating summer?”
Then, another blessed event happened when the woman standing behind me, interjected, “Oh my God, yes, summer’s the worst.”
The three of us looked at each other in amazement. We had found our people, fellow summer haters.
My first inclination was to embrace these two women but I didn’t want it to get weird, so I said, “We need to start a secret society of summer haters. We could have meet ups at really cold places like at an ice factory?”
They both loved the idea and I walked out of the grocery store with a new mission. It’s to unite fellow summer haters. Together we can make it to autumn (and by that I mean mid October because September has become August 2.0).
❄️ 🍁 ❄️
If you love summer reading and are looking for a great pool or beach read or let’s be honest a sitting in the A.C. read I’ve got five fab books for you!
From Empty a “laugh till you cry” menopausal revenge adventure perfect for any woman who buys wrinkle cream in bulk to the Snarky four pack – Back to School, Trouble in Texas, Four Seasons of Snarky and Killer Dance Mom.
Back to School is a hysterical read for every mom who’s marinated in elementary school parent drama. Trouble in Texas is a tall tale of what happens when a mother just can’t stop meddling and enlists her 40 something daughter in her schemes. Four Seasons of Snarky is the ideal book to give to someone who needs a primer on suburban revenge plots. AND Killer Dance Mom is the first Snarky mystery that involves all the crazy of being a dance mom especially when a judge gets murdered.
Just click this Amazon link for a trip to the Snarky Universe. 🌎www.amazon.com/stores/Sherry-Claypool-Kuehl/author/B00S5WL2N
Snarky in the Suburbs 