It’s the time of year where summer is supposed to be over but you’re still being seared alive by the sun. Now I do realize that the autumnal equinox isn’t until September 23 but my seasonal calendar is a little different. For me summer ends when the Halloween decorations and one-pound bags of candy corn and pumpkin Peeps are out in full force at all the stores. So basically, I bid farewell to summer in early August.
Another sign of summer being cancelled is when the clothing retailers bring out their sweaters and wool pants. I was at a boutique when the outside temperature was 102 but inside it was a cozy coats and turtleneck tops palooza.
This excited me because seeing a stack of cashmere sweaters gives me all the fall feels and entices me to drop to my knees and pray for a 40-degree temperature drop. What didn’t bring me joy was seeing some of the fall fashion trends. As in I can’t believe high waisted pants are still in style. Ugh.
Two years I was complaining about high waisted pants and being a naïve fool and perhaps the worst fashion prognosticator since the zipper was invented (FYI the zipper was invented in 1851 and it’s official name or as my mother would say “baptismal name” was the “Automatic Continuous Clothing Closure” and a lot of people thought it was a fad.) I assumed this style of pants would be gone before you could say “clearance rack.”
But no, they’re everywhere. In cotton, denim, wool, velvet – you name it they’re living large in every store I ventured into. This perplexed me to no end because how did a pant style that hits your bra line become so popular?
I decided this topic called out for me to do some investigative reporting and by that I mean interrogate a sales associate about this fashion faux pas. My question was simple. I politely asked why are women buying pants that share real estate with their bra and draw attention to any and all stomach pudge?
The woman warmly welcomed my question and explained to me that high waisted pants are flattering because they make your legs look longer. I had to concede she had a point because when your pants can call your clavicle their roommate that’s going to create the illusion of a longer leg line.
Being an intrepid reporter, my follow up query was about the stomach issue. This seemed to confuse her so I pointed out how the pants don’t exactly flatter anyone who’s not working six pack abs. She still looked perplexed, so I abandoned that line of inquiry and made a hasty exit to the dressing room with – surprise – a pair of high waisted pants.
It had been two years since I tried on a pair on and in a robust salute to doing my investigative due diligence I decided I had to venture back into high waisted pants. I actually had to sit down on the bench in the dressing room and give myself a pep talk because my psyche still held the scars from the last time I was in this style of pants.
After a couple of deep breaths I pulled the pants on and loudly sighed. A well-worn, weary sigh that haunts dressing rooms across the globe. Because this was the sigh you make right after you’ve tried on an article of clothing that has irrevocably hurt your feelings.
In an attempt to rally and not weep in the dressing room I leaned my head against the mirror and forced myself to summon some positive thoughts. The only one I could come up with is that at least it’s no longer swimsuit shopping season. So, I guess I’ve got that going for me.
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Fortunately, dear friends, it’s always book shopping season! 📚 And I highly recommend giving my latest book a lookie-loo. 👀 It’s a wild ride through a dance competition where a judge has been murdered and one incredibly nosey mom makes it her goal to find out who did it. 💖 Click this Amazon link to read an excerpt.www.amazon.com/dp/B0C4FZTK5
Snarky in the Suburbs 