Dear Snarky,
My POS mother is at it again. I’m one of three kids (we are all adults in our mid to late 20s) and our parents got divorced 17 years ago. We were raised by our dad (and later stepmom) because our mom was way to flighty/self-absorbed to be a stable parent. Basically, she only wanted to be our mom when it was convenient or served a purpose.
That said, we do have a relationship with her but it’s not easy. For years my siblings and I have always spent Thanksgiving with our mother and Christmas with our dad and stepmom. This Thanksgiving my mother announced that she’s getting married on Christmas day and wants all of us there.
This will be my mother’s fifth wedding!!! She averages a new husband every four or five years. The fact that’s getting married – again is really not that big of a deal. The fact that she’s chosen to get married on Christmas morning is.
Christmas with my dad and stepmom is a favorite family tradition and I can’t imagine breaking with that to see my mom marry another loser. When I asked why Christmas morning, she said that it’s a great time because the church will already be decorated and that she got a minister to agree to do the wedding right after the last Christmas morning service.
I don’t think that’s a valid reason to mess with our family tradition and also screw my dad over in the process. I’m the oldest sibling and I told my brother and sister that there is no way we should feel any guilt if we take a hard pass on the wedding.
Do you agree or do you think we’re being childish putting our Christmas traditions over another one of my mother’s weddings.
Signed, So Over It
Dear So Over It,
I’m going to give you the news you’re longing to hear. You have no obligation to attend your mother’s fifth wedding. If she really wanted her children to be at her wedding, she would have given you more than a month’s notice and most importantly she wouldn’t have scheduled it for Christmas morning where she knows her children have an almost two-decade tradition of spending it with their father and stepmother.
Quite frankly after wedding number two I’m thinking family members get a hall pass on mandatory attendance.
No, I know some people might tell you to suck it up and that you should go to your mom’s wedding in the morning and then spend Christmas afternoon with your dad and stepmom. And most certainly this can be seen as a mature person’s compromise.
But I urge you and your siblings to stand firm. Your mom is a riding shotgun on the manipulative hot mess express. She doesn’t need to have marriage number five take place on Christmas morning. She wants to get married then because it’s a power move by her to upset your Christmas plans and a F.U. to your dad. And don’t even get me started on the whole “decorated church” absurdity as her reasoning to get married on December 25.
The reason I’m advocating for you to tell your mom – no is because she needs to start hearing this word from all of her children repeatedly and with vigor. She needs to know that as adults you have lives and boundaries that will be respected. And things like Christmas traditions that are important to you will never be open to any level of manipulation.
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