Over the pandemic my husband and I quit drinking. We did it because it was getting really bad. I’m talking about three to four bottles of wine every-single-night. To be honest we started drinking at around 3 and just sort of sipped our way through the rest of the afternoon and evening.
We decided it was now or never and although stopping drinking was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done I also think the lockdown made it easier because we didn’t have to worry about any social outings or peer pressure to drink.
Now that things are getting back to normal I noticed that my mom friend group is kind of ignoring me and I’m being left out of stuff. When I finally got up the nerve to ask if I did something to upset them I was told I “wasn’t fun anymore.”
One “friend” also said that during our Zoom chats during the lockdown they would take a shot every time I mentioned how I wasn’t drinking. You can imagine how that made me feel. Now, I don’t know if I’ve lost these women as friends for good or if they will eventually get used to me not drinking and everything will be okay.
Do you think I should wait it out to keep these long standing friendships?
Signed, Sober and Yet Sad
I know it truly sucks to have so called friends that not only don’t support your sober lifestyle but mock you about it. This makes me think that you really need to ask yourself are these women real friends or are they maybe more of mom drinking buddies? Because it sounds like booze was the tie that binds in this friend group.
I’m going to urge you to expand your horizons and try to form some new friendships that aren’t fueled by alcohol because I’m almost certain this group of women won’t welcome you back as long as you’re going to be enjoying water with lemon at their daygers.
I checked in with a dear friend of mine who has been sober for six year and she says it’s “painful to discover what friends stay and what friends go but that you’ll never regret your new healthy, positive, life changing decision.” She also urges you to seek out support from a sober women’s community.
You’ve made an important decision and you deserve friends who want the best for you – not a group of grown ass women who make fun of you while throwing back shots.
*If you have an issue that needs a little Dear Snarky input email me at email@example.com.
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