Dear Snarky,
I have a sister and brother-in-law who are taking extreme advantage of my mom and dad. Back in April they moved into my parent’s house “briefly” with their three kids. Their reasoning for moving in with them is that they didn’t want my parents to be alone during the pandemic. They told my parents they would leave at the end of May once “things opened up.”
Well, now it’s nine months later and my parents have become babysitters, homeschool teachers, house keepers, the supplier of all the groceries and of course they are providing them a place to live rent free! The kick in the ass is that my sister and her husband own a home and are now renting it out!!!
My parents are over it and exhausted. My mom has asked me for help. As the oldest sibling and an accountant, she wants me to tell my sister and her family that they need to move out in 60 days – no matter what.
I really want this to happen because my parents are worn out but I’m a little scared about how my sister is going to receive what is basically an eviction notice from me.
How do you think the best way to proceed is?
Signed, Apprehensive
Dear Apprehensive,
I think the best way to proceed is for your mom and dad to put on their parent panties and tell your sister and her husband themselves. Let’s get real – your mom wants you to do their dirty work.
I’m no soothsayer but here’s how I think this is going to play out. You’re going to tell your sister she has one month’s notice to move back to her own home. Then if your sister takes the news like the spoiled, manipulative, brat I think she is baby sis is going to run to your mom boo hooing about having to leave. Your mom apparently totally unable to say N.O. to your sister will then throw you under the bus and blame the eviction on you.
The hard truth is that unless your parents start standing up to your sister she will continue to use and abuse their generosity. They could have said don’t move in or after a couple of months they could have said okay, it’s time to leave and they also could have set ground rules for how much of a financial contribution your sister and her husband needed to make to them. Same goes for babysitting, homeschool duties etc.
I suggest telling your parents – I will help you do this and I will be there with you when you have the “it’s time to leave” conversation but I will not be the one riding shotgun on this issue.
Your mom’s not going to like it but it’s time for your parents to quit backsliding and instead get a backbone when it comes to your younger sister. Remind them that no one can take advantage of you unless you let them and it’s never too late in the parenting journey to start saying no – repeatedly.
If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉
Snarky in the Suburbs 