Lawn Therapy 

Being erroneously told when we bought our house a decade ago that “yards here don’t need a sprinkler system” is on page 16 in my “Big Book of Complaining.” Long time readers have heard me gripe about my lack of lawn irrigation before (cough, cough in July) and are probably now thinking, “Wow, woman let it go.”

I’m attempting to finally get over it by being optimistic about all things I discovered while dragging multiple hoses and sprinklers around my yard. My newest introspection happened this morning and it’s that I’m a grooming slacker.

I say this because every day at 7:30 a.m. I see an older woman walking her dog and she is elegantly turned out. The pièce de résistance is that she’s always wearing a hat. Not one of those pitiful sun hats you get at Home Depot mind you but a very nice chapeau that looks totally in style and Vogue magazine worthy.

Meanwhile I’m still in the T-shirt I slept in and some stretched out leggings from Old Navy doing sprinkler duty. Of course, I could make a pandemic inspired excuse for my appearance but it would be a waste of time. I’ve never been as stylish as this dog walker. The best I could hope for is to wear socks that match.

As I untangled hoses looking at my mismatched socks I began pondering the oft heard phrase “getting back to normal.” Is that really going to happen? I’ve got my doubts.

It’s not that I don’t think there will be a successful vaccine for the coronavirus. I just worry people won’t take it. I have some much younger friends and they are solidly against getting the vaccine.

These women, up to this point, have been pro vaccines but they want “years and years of research” and “other people taking the COVID-19 vaccine” before anyone in their family “gets a shot.” Their thinking is that they ‘ll take a hard pass on the vaccine and let herd immunity do its thing.

I tried to tell them that for a vaccine to work people have to be vaccinated. To reach herd immunity takes time and a vast number of vaccines have to happen. I might as well have been talking to a sprinkler head because these women were not having any of it due to “stuff they had read online.”

If we’re all still in our houses wearing masks five years from now thank a conspiracy theory.

 This thought was interrupted by a neighbor I’d like to douse with my hose who walked by and made a not so flattering comment about my grass. My brain now shifted to thinking about how people have lost their filters and how everyone now thinks they’re funny. Of course, I’m blaming the internet.

On social media it’s easy to think you’re hilarious and yet if you said the same thing to an actual person you’d probably come off as a jerk.

But here’s the rub – if I questioned my neighbor about his yard insults his reply would most likely be that I “can’t take a joke.”

My least favorite phrase because what the person is saying is that you’re not smart enough to get their joke. When the reality is that they’re the stooge but sadly few of us will be that truthful with ourselves.

This is why people need significant others and/or good friends. We all need someone to say, “Hey, you’re being an idiot” or “Did you know your socks don’t match.”

Wait, has dragging hoses turned in a psyche deep dive? Maybe that’s the upside to not having a sprinkler system – lawn therapy.

7 thoughts on “Lawn Therapy 

  1. Jude R. says:

    Are you required to have such a lawn? Relax within your inner self and just mow as needed. Find peace and be happy that you don’t have those exorbitant water bills. (Is it really necessary to keep up with the Jones?) Now if you moved into a dreaded HOA that is your problem and don’t whine to us readers about it and your pretentious neighbors. Be thrilled that you are getting an excellent workout with the hoses.

  2. pennyc07 says:

    I have gorgeous flowers…probably well over 150 perennials. Could not care less about the lawn. We’re having a drought her in Massachusetts and my lawn was pretty dead looking until this weeks rain. Oh well. Oh yes, I figure the anti Vaxers will be coming out of the woodwork. I’m not one of them.

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