Dear Snarky,
My brother’s fiancée has asked to borrow my bridal gown for her wedding next year. I recently got married and to be honest I don’t want her to wear my dress. We’re not even close to the same size. (She’s petite and I’m 5’10) . Plus, my dress was super expensive and one-of-a-kind. It was designed just for me. I’m emotionally attached to it so I can’t even think about someone else wearing it.
I’m also still extremely angry that this woman tried on my dress without permission. My gown is being stored at my parents’ house and when she was at their home alone with my brother she put it one AND posted pictures on Instagram!
For that and many other reasons I don’t like her. She’s very materialistic and super needy. My parents are also picking up vibes that she and her mother mistakenly thought /hoped that my mom and dad would be picking up the tab for her dream wedding or at least helping out with costs and that’s not happening. As my dad puts he’s still recovering from my wedding and my sister’s.
How do I tell my brother’s fiancée that she can’t borrow my dress without causing some big scene or making everyone feel uncomfortable? Most of all I don’t want my brother to be caught in the middle.
Signed, Not Sharing
Dear Not Sharing,
Let’s break this down.
1. Your brother is already stuck in the middle of all of this so that ship has sailed.
2. You have every right in the world to tell your possible sister-in-law NO she can’t borrow your wedding dress. I suggest going with some subterfuge in an effort to keep the drama at a minimum. Be very straight forward with her and say, “I’m flattered you asked but I’m saving it for my future daughter to wear someday.”
3. Even if this isn’t your plan, as in maybe you don’t even want kids, I’m going to recommend going with this because it’s hard to argue with someone’s desire to save their bridal gown solely for their child.
4. DO NOT feel the need to explain yourself any further and if she tries to pick a fight with you or have your brother guilt trip you – stay firm. Your plan is saving your dress for a future daughter. She’s not your daughter so end of discussion.
Lastly, this woman lost her chance at “borrowing” anything of yours when she tried your bridal gown on without permission and posted pictures on social media. That was a BOLD move infused with many warning signs. Hopefully, your brother saw flashing lights saying “don’t do it” because I have a feeling this wedding may not make it to the altar and if it does – watch out.
If you have a question for Dear Snarky – advice with an attitude – email me at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com. 😉
Snarky in the Suburbs 