What Watching Three Episodes of “The Bachelorette” Taught Me

I’ve been educated by watching “The Bachelorette.” Yes, I know that sounds strange especially coming from someone who is a prude and is this close to identifying as a Duggar because wearing a loose fitting frock that grazes my ankles sounds sort of appealing.

My daughter introduced me to the TV show and at first I resisted. Basically, I thought it was beneath me. Now I realize with my love of several “Real Housewives” series that I have no room to cling to any moral high horse but I will admit I did feel just a wee bit superior to folks who got all excited about new episodes of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette.”

Heck, I even took pride in the fact that I could read/scan an US magazine and not know anyone in it because it’s basically just hot young adults that have been or are currently partaking of a smidgen of fame from being on that “dating” show.

I started watching “The Bachelorette” as a way to spend time with my daughter while making fun of the show. To date I’ve only watched three episodes but, oh my, it’s enough to make me blush. But more importantly it has shined a spotlight on how men are finally getting some grooming parity. Just the sheer amount of male hair depilatory on the show is amazing.

There’s these things called “fantasy dates” which is code for just what you think it is and includes a whole lot of near nakedness. What catches my attention every time is how hairless the men are. They all frolic shirtless and there’s not a hair on them. Not one single follicle. And thanks to high definition television you can tell that they’ve been subjected to some first rate waxing.

I enjoy pointing this out to my daughter who wails that I’m “ruining the show for her” and I take that as a compliment. But it also opens up the conversation about how in just the last several years there’s been monumental advances in beauty equality for men and I’m all for it. When a dude participates in the torturous ritual of getting large swaths of their skin assaulted by scorching hot wax it’s a large step for womankind.

I’m actually taking pleasure in males suffering for beauty and let me tell you these bachelors have suffered. From their exquisitely groomed facial hair to their Ken doll physiques that look shiner than my dining room table after I’ve soaked it in Lemon Pledge these guys are living the depilatory dream (or nightmare). I’m certain that at least an hour a day is spent just on body hair maintenance. To this I say yahoo!

Even more exciting is that guys (and not just the ones on TV) are wearing make up. Yes, please enjoy the Lancôme gift with purchase as you start wearing concealer and experience the true indignation of someday being out in public without make up and having multiple people tell you that you “seem tired” which is the polite way to saying, “You look like hell today.”

I’m all in on every guy ditching their 10-minute getting dressed ritual that involves a shower, a shave, toothbrush and maybe a comb. Yes, I welcome all men to the dark side where due to society’s expectations you’re pressured to blow dry and straighten your locks, contour your face with six different foundations and curl your eyelashes.

For too long men have had a grooming hall pass. All the pressure was on women to enhance their natural beauty in a very unnatural way. The fact that guys are now finally feeling the same pressure works for me. It’s time to finally share the insecurities and the Nair.

4 thoughts on “What Watching Three Episodes of “The Bachelorette” Taught Me

  1. Pam Considine says:

    This column made me laugh out loud. And I really hate all the reality shows, but these 2 are so overdone & phony. But if I had to choose between watching Batchelot/Bachelorette and ten minutes of Big Brother, I’m going to watch who gets a rose 🌹. Thanks for the laugh!

  2. Lisa says:

    I love the show, and have spent commercial breaks texting my fellow “almost senior citizen” gal pals over how ridiculous some of the contestants are! Talk about drama! Thanks for the belly laugh, if I’ve made typing mistakes it’s because I still cant stop laughing–thanks Snarky!!!!

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