Dear Snarky – I Lied So I Could Skip Thanksgiving With My Family

Dear Snarky,

 I’m in big trouble with my mom. I’m 25 and an E.R. nurse. This Thanksgiving I was exhausted and really over my entire family. I had worked some long shifts at the hospital and the last thing I wanted to do was go to my mom’s house and cook and clean while the men in my family sat on their asses.

So, I lied and told my mom I couldn’t come for Thanksgiving because I had been called in to work at the last-minute. As I’m laying in my bed binge watching Stranger Things and having a great time, my mom, unbeknownst to me, is on social media gushing about how thankful she is to have a daughter who works so hard at the hospital even on a holiday.

 Well, thanks to one of my bitchy co-workers who left a comment on that post that my mom was mistaken because I wasn’t at work, or “at least not working at my regular hospital” I get busted.

 Now my mom is furious and being a real drama queen saying she’s “heartbroken that I lied to her.” How do I make this right? The family theatrics are more than I can handle.

 Signed, Sorry, But Not That Sorry

 Dear Sorry,

Okay, girl you know you have to apologize to your mom for lying, but right after that you’re going to have to give her the hard truth.

Bluntly share that going to her house and having the women do all the work while the men in the family do next to nothing is just not your jam anymore. Explain that you have a demanding job and you’re not into being a maid and cook during the holidays. That said, you don’t expect to be treated like a princess, but you do need your down time and as a grown woman you have the right to skip a family holiday.

Hopefully, your mother will understand. If not, that’s her problem not yours, and maybe, just maybe, she’s also might be tired of waiting on everybody and this will be her motivation to free herself from some of the holiday drudgery.

Now moving on that pot stirring witch of a co-worker. Say nothing. She wants a response. She wants to know she “got you.” Don’t give her the satisfaction. If she brings up your mom’s Facebook post just smile and say, “It was sweet of you to let me mom know I wasn’t at this hospital” and leave it at that. Let her wonder where you were and what you were doing. It will drive her crazy.

*If you have a question for Dear Snarky – 21st Century Advice With an Attitude 😉 – email me at or PM on my Snarky FB page.

7 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – I Lied So I Could Skip Thanksgiving With My Family

  1. texashomeschooler says:

    As always, cheers to Snarky’s advice! I would also subtly make your mom feel bad that you felt the need to lie and couldn’t just come out with it! Maybe suggest that next year you all go on a cruise together so you can ALL sit on your asses!

  2. Jeanine says:

    Use the “broken record” method. Stop discussing all the reasons and just keep saying, “Mom, I’m too tired/exhausted.” Period. Over & over. Then say you’ve got to hang up because you need to get to work/bed/whatever. (Does anybody remember records?). Good luck!

  3. ef sweeney says:

    My husband is helpful, but the bulk of the holiday burden still falls on the women…after 40 years of it all, I’m so ready to Holiday retire….the next generation just doesn’t seem to have the time or motivation to take up the job….maybe that’s a good thing, but would sure like to get together without all the expected Holiday Hoopla. Nurses these days deserve every hour of time off they can get, so, glad that “Sorry” made her stand. Hope her Mother understands.

  4. Lala says:

    I did the same this year,and it was glorious! And that is why I don’t have many co workers as friends on social media,too many people up in my business…
    Healthcare workers have such non traditional work schedules,we should get a pass occasionally. I agree with a heartfelt apology,explanation of why,and then just own it,girl! Great advice, snarky!

  5. Kira S. says:

    I agree that an apology and a frank talk with Mom are necessary. The rule should be “If you don’t cook, you help clean up.” But what usually happens is the guys do a lousy job of cleaning up because it’s not something they do regularly and the women complain so the guys say “Forget it.” So that has to be worked out. The other thing is NEVER friend your coworkers on social media. Keep your private life separate from your work life. If you want to be able to contact your friends that way, open up a new account that includes your work place – i.e. “Susie Jones, General Hospital.” And keep your personal posts on your personal account for friends only. Just a little tip from someone who’s also been stabbed in the back by a coworker, just not on social media.

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