I’m one of six bridesmaids in a longtime friend’s wedding and half of us feel like we need to do an intervention because we feel like our friend is settling in her choice of a husband. The groom is quite frankly a huge med school nerd and behind his back we call him “No F’ing Fun.” The bride used to be a blast to party with and was always the girl with the hottest guys. Now, we’re lucky if we can get her to drink and she said no to a girl’s trip to Vegas for her bachelorette party. It’s killing us to see our friend change her personality for a man.
Signed, Bummed Out Bridesmaid
Dear Bummed Out,
The short answer is no to an intervention and yes to keeping your mouth shut and only using it to smile during the wedding. Have you thought about that maybe your friend, the bride, is growing up and that she doesn’t want to get drunk every night? That maybe she was getting tired of partying and welcomes a more stable relationship not based on booze? And that maybe she said no to a trip to Vegas because she didn’t want to incur the expense or ask her bridesmaids’ to pony up more money?
Remember just because you think the groom is “no fun” doesn’t mean he’s not going to be a great husband. And your idea of what “settling is” could be vastly different from your friend’s.
Now if, on the off chance, the bride is reshaping her personality to please her future husband because he’s a control freak your best bet is sit down with your friend and say, “I’m happy if you’re happy, but remember if you ever need me I’m here for you no matter what.” That’s the way to have your friends back without her feeling ganged up on or judged.