Dear Snarky – Things Get Ugly at the Ugly Sweater Party

4a0f3cbda8c8391d599f886f6dc9ec9dDear Snarky,

Every year I have a huge Ugly Christmas Sweater party. People go all out and show up looking horrible and hilarious. All except one guest. She always wears a sexy, skin-tight sweater, with a V-neck so low you can see most of her breasts. When people invariably ask her, “Where’s your ugly sweater?” She purrs back, “This is my ugly sweater” and giggles. It goes on like this the entire night.

My problem is this year I decided to not invite her and she got upset when she found out. She stopped me at school pick up and asked if her “invitation had gotten lost” or been “misplaced.” I was so taken aback I just quickly said no and got back in my car. THEN she had friends, who had been invited, calling me to ask why I hadn’t invited her.

Do I cave and send her an Evite or do I stand my ground? The way I see it it’s my party and I can invite or not invite anyone I want. What I don’t want to happen is this whole not invited thing overshadowing what has always been a great party.

Yours, Ugly Sweater

Dear Ugly,

 There are so many things wrong with your letter I don’t know where to start. First, all adults out there listen up. If you don’t receive a written invitation, Evite, or a phone call about a party please do not assume there must have been a mistake and contact the host or hostess. Instead, go with the logical (and lower self-esteem) assumption that you were not invited and move on. If you are so bereft about not being included in the festivities, for the love of Emily Post, throw your own party.

 Secondly, as an adult, you should never revert back to being in the 7th grade and asking friends to either 1) garner you an invite or 2) badger and/or peer pressure the hostess into putting you on the guest list.

 As for what to do about Sexy Sweater I would stand my ground. It’s a party for f*&k’s sake not an invite to the rapture. If she or anyone else contacts you again about your guest list I would politely, but firmly explain that you felt like the Ugly Sweater party made Sexy Sweater uncomfortable since she seemed to never get into the spirit of the soiree.

 I’m sure all the etiquette books would say to not even delve into why Sexy Sweater wasn’t invited, but I feel like after creating this much of a fuss Sexy Sweater deserves to be called out, just a little, for her cleavage and her crassness.

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**For more Snarky check out my book  Snarky in the Suburbs Back to School. 

Here’s a little ditty about it: The Spring Creek Elementary School PTA board (a coven of Mean Moms dressed in Uggs, yoga pants, and dermal filler) is up to no good.  Wynn Butler (middle-aged, uncool, and not bringing sexy back) is determined to find out what’s going on. With help from her two kids, a Roomba vacuum turned mobile surveillance drone, and a few good friends, Wynn launches a covert investigation that leads to the “mother of all revenge capers” at the school’s annual Fall Festival.  If you’ve ever fantasized about smoke bombing the idiot parent who has yet to master the fine art of the school drop-off lane, or standing up and shouting, “Liar, liar, Botox on fire” during a PTA meeting, then this delicious tale of payback is for you. 

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