Dear Snarky – Things Get Ugly at the Ugly Sweater Party

4a0f3cbda8c8391d599f886f6dc9ec9dDear Snarky,

Every year I have a huge Ugly Christmas Sweater party. People go all out and show up looking horrible and hilarious. All except one guest. She always wears a sexy, skin-tight sweater, with a V-neck so low you can see most of her breasts. When people invariably ask her, “Where’s your ugly sweater?” She purrs back, “This is my ugly sweater” and giggles. It goes on like this the entire night.

My problem is this year I decided to not invite her and she got upset when she found out. She stopped me at school pick up and asked if her “invitation had gotten lost” or been “misplaced.” I was so taken aback I just quickly said no and got back in my car. THEN she had friends, who had been invited, calling me to ask why I hadn’t invited her.

Do I cave and send her an Evite or do I stand my ground? The way I see it it’s my party and I can invite or not invite anyone I want. What I don’t want to happen is this whole not invited thing overshadowing what has always been a great party.

Yours, Ugly Sweater

Dear Ugly,

 There are so many things wrong with your letter I don’t know where to start. First, all adults out there listen up. If you don’t receive a written invitation, Evite, or a phone call about a party please do not assume there must have been a mistake and contact the host or hostess. Instead, go with the logical (and lower self-esteem) assumption that you were not invited and move on. If you are so bereft about not being included in the festivities, for the love of Emily Post, throw your own party.

 Secondly, as an adult, you should never revert back to being in the 7th grade and asking friends to either 1) garner you an invite or 2) badger and/or peer pressure the hostess into putting you on the guest list.

 As for what to do about Sexy Sweater I would stand my ground. It’s a party for f*&k’s sake not an invite to the rapture. If she or anyone else contacts you again about your guest list I would politely, but firmly explain that you felt like the Ugly Sweater party made Sexy Sweater uncomfortable since she seemed to never get into the spirit of the soiree.

 I’m sure all the etiquette books would say to not even delve into why Sexy Sweater wasn’t invited, but I feel like after creating this much of a fuss Sexy Sweater deserves to be called out, just a little, for her cleavage and her crassness.

If you have a question for Dear Snarky email me at or private message me on my Snarky FB page.

**For more Snarky check out my book  Snarky in the Suburbs Back to School. 

Here’s a little ditty about it: The Spring Creek Elementary School PTA board (a coven of Mean Moms dressed in Uggs, yoga pants, and dermal filler) is up to no good.  Wynn Butler (middle-aged, uncool, and not bringing sexy back) is determined to find out what’s going on. With help from her two kids, a Roomba vacuum turned mobile surveillance drone, and a few good friends, Wynn launches a covert investigation that leads to the “mother of all revenge capers” at the school’s annual Fall Festival.  If you’ve ever fantasized about smoke bombing the idiot parent who has yet to master the fine art of the school drop-off lane, or standing up and shouting, “Liar, liar, Botox on fire” during a PTA meeting, then this delicious tale of payback is for you. 

To stay up-to-date on new posts and take part in my not so deep thoughts click on this Facebook link – (That’s the abbreviated link to my FB page) or I twitter @snarkynsuburbs.


19 thoughts on “Dear Snarky – Things Get Ugly at the Ugly Sweater Party

  1. North-South Mama says:

    Thank you Snarky! I can’t believe how bold people are with their tackiness nowadays. I was raised up North but by a southern Mama and my children are being raised the same. I fear, however, that tackiness may be on the water.

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      Agreed. Who would have the balls to just assume that there was a “mistake” in the guest list? Blame it on low self esteem, but I always assume I wasn’t invited because, you know, the host/hostess didn’t want me there.

  2. Jealous Much? says:

    I think the hostess is jealous of Sexy Sweater and needs to get over her feelings of jealousy and invite her to the party. What’s the big deal about inviting one more guest? Do the Christian thing and extend the invitation if it means so much to the woman.

    • Patty Roberts says:

      Umm, how about Sexy Sweater gets over herself and has her own party if she’s so upset. There’s nothing Christian about acting like an ass.

    • OP Mom says:

      Likely has nothing to do with jealousy. She probably just doesn’t want someone skanking around her fun casual party like it’s a downtown nightclub. Why go to an ugly sweater party and not wear an ugly sweater??? This wouldn’t be the only event where someone was nixed because they didn’t dress the part. And guess what…the world is still spinning.

  3. Pearl ;) says:

    LMAO….sounds like the women in my neighborhood. “When are we going to get together? “, “I miss girl time”. Don’t ever apologize or give in to the pressure of others when it is your own party. Invite whoever you want and enjoy a drama free time.

  4. Kim says:

    Maybe she should invite “Sexy Sweater” and when “Sexy” arrives, an ugly sweater can be waiting for her to slip on for the duration of the evening. Maybe “Sexy” won’t be so anxious to attend in the future.

  5. Darlene Allen says:

    Why do we have to make simple problems, difficult? After one attended party by ‘ SEXY sweater ‘ – I’d SIMPLY ADD TO HER INVITE ” LEAVE YOUR SEXY SWEATER AT HOME OR UR NOT WELCOME “.
    OOPS, i mean . .wear an ugly one . . wear something! !! LOL

  6. Briee rose says:

    I think that you’re not inviting her was really immature. You really think that inviting somebody every year to the same party and then not inviting them one year they’re not going to think “hey maybe my invitation got lost” I give credit to this woman because she obviously thought higher of you then you actually show. I think jealous much is right I think that the route behind this is that you probably are jealous. But if you really can’t have a party without just even one person getting into the spirit of it then you’re probably a little anal retentive too. It’s like having a costume party on Halloween and getting mad at the one person that doesn’t dress up. I think that you need to get over it and although this woman may be attention seeking with her skimpy little sweater you’re just as seventh-grade by not inviting her to come to the party. And now what you’re pissed because other women in your neighborhood are gossiping about you because you’re not a nice person?
    And snarky I’m really disappointed in the advice you gave her used to read your blog because I like to laugh at all of the suburban moms who acts like they’re still in seventh grade and trying to be popular kids. but in this case I think your advice was to be that mean girl. When did everybody lose their kindness?

    • snarkyinthesuburbs says:

      I stand by my advice. It’s a party, basically 3 hours of your human existence. You’re an adult. You weren’t invited. Move on and enjoy all the other wonderful aspects of your life. Spend some time with your kids, go to a movie with your husband or other friends, read a book.

  7. Paula L. says:

    I loved your advice, Snarky. What is up with people on the internet lately? Everyone seems to be so thin-skinned and defensive. If you don’t like her advice, find another blogger who feels exactly the same way you do and read what they have to say. Sheesh, people. I get so tired of the trolls who feel the need to explain why they are right and you are wrong… Sexy Sweater chick is the one who needs to grow up and quit acting like a 7th grader. Yeah, we know you’ve got a rack on you, now cover it up and show some class.

  8. brit chick says:

    I think sexy sweater just needs to get over it harsh but true shes an adult time to put on those big girls pants, also “well you’re just jealous” is the standard reply of my seven year old daughter is this what we have amounted to? It’s an ugly sweater party basic good manners is going along with the hosts wishes and wearing the ugliest christmas jumper you can find preferably with added tinsel and lights

  9. Bea says:

    How many people who are defending the poor, tacky party attendee would be pissed if someone other than the bride wore white to their wedding? Of course, some brides don’t care, but since hosts who believe in dress codes have more invested in the party than the guests, they get more say. Once it becomes clear that what you’re doing bothers the person who invited you, doing it anyway is begging not to be invited back.

    • adie says:

      right, but only if it’s made clear. Just not inviting does not provide clarity and when she asked about her invite it was the perfect opportunity to be upfront.

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