Dear Snarky,
Why don’t I get a Mother’s Day? I’m the mom to three kids all under the age of 7 and yet every Mother’s Day it’s all about my mother-in-law. We go to church with her, have brunch with her and basically spend the entire day celebrating her. I’ve talked to my husband about this and he just looks guilty and says, “Well, she is my mom.” Is it too much to ask that I get a Mother’s Day?
Signed Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
I’m very torn how to answer your question. You would think that I would go off on your husband for not manning up and taking your side in this Mother’s Day battle. But, here’s the deal I have a son and I can only dare to dream that when he grows up and gets married he will put my wants and needs far, far above his wife’s. Okay relax, I’m joking.
But all kidding aside, my peace making suggestion is to have two Mother’s Day – traditional and observed. (Yes, yes, I know this sounds crazy, but work with me. The plan has the ability to be a winner.) On the Traditional Mother’s Day, the one on the calendar let your mother-in-law have her moment. Although she is no longer deep in the parenting trenches like you she has been a mother longer than you and deserves some love and if you can’t manage that then let’s call it respect or begrudging tolerance for raising an amazing son – your husband.
Plus, for those of us who have aging, frail parents it’s a simple act of kindness that goes a long way in making their day. (I have a friend who recently lost her mother-in-law and while the MIL was a bit of a terror my friend said she never regretted being a role model for her kids about the power of kindness.)
The next Sunday should be your day – Mother’s Day Observed, This is where it is all about you. You can choose to spend the day celebrating with your family or do what I do – declare Mother’s Day a kid free holiday. I treat myself to a matinée movie, a solo stroll through Target and arrive home to a house cleaned by my kids and husband with dinner waiting. (In case you’re wondering they kind of phone in the whole house cleaning thing.)
It may feel wrong at first to not get your Mother’s Day on with everyone else, but trust me Mother’s Day Observed is a twofer. You still get your day plus you earn brownie points and add to your karma tally by the simple, but, sort of, painful act, of doing a little gracious kowtowing to your mother-in-law.
Even bigger bonus every time you get in a fight with your husband you can with righteous indignation say, “I even gave up Mother’s Day for your mom.” Bam!
**For more Snarky check out my book Snarky in the Suburbs Back to School.
Here’s a little ditty about it: The Spring Creek Elementary School PTA board (a coven of Mean Moms dressed in Uggs, yoga pants, and dermal filler) is up to no good. Wynn Butler (middle-aged, uncool, and not bringing sexy back) is determined to find out what’s going on. With help from her two kids, a Roomba vacuum turned mobile surveillance drone, and a few good friends, Wynn launches a covert investigation that leads to the “mother of all revenge capers” at the school’s annual Fall Festival. If you’ve ever fantasized about smoke bombing the idiot parent who has yet to master the fine art of the school drop-off lane, or standing up and shouting, “Liar, liar, Botox on fire” during a PTA meeting, then this delicious tale of payback is for you.
Snarky in the Suburbs 